The Vampire Lester
by notcalamari
Summary: Phil is a pureblood vampire. Dan is... well, Dan. As the two move through their YouTube careers, the duo tries to decide how to handle these simple facts.
2010

Phil was not having the best day of his life.

It was only an hour into his first day in Jamaica and Phil felt his blood simmer under the overpowering sun. The skies weren't clear, but they were much more blue than the UK usually allotted. Even when he was in Florida, he was not forced to stay outdoors for an over-extended amount of time, and at least there were usually animals involved. However, Phil tried not to let the tropical climate sway his sunny disposition. There were perks to being forced on an island, and with that thought he turned his head to watch Dan as they followed a guide in the direction of their hotel. The brown-haired young man noticed his gaze and pulled a face, his mouth widening and forming a flat line to demonstrate his boredom. Except, it wasn't boredom perse. Dan was only too excited to be thrilled about being held back by a mustached man who was all about "serious business." Phil smirked in reply, though his blue eyes remained soft. Then the two redirected their attention back to the man until they finally made it into the privacy of their hotel room.

"I know we're technically here on business, but can they, I don't know, let us pretend we're on vacation?" Dan asked with an exaggerated groan, pulling out one of the water bottles from the mini-fridge. Phil gave a quiet laugh as he sat on the queen-sized. The room was pleasant enough, with white walls, an inclining ceiling, and warm lighting. It was a bit on the small side but he didn't find it in him to complain. It even came with a nice view of the beach.

"You were the one who wanted to come here," he reminded, splaying his hands on the sheets. Dan crashed down on the bed, facing the ceiling.

"I _know_ ," he answered. "I still don't see why you were so against it. A free trip to Jamaica? When does that happen?"

At that, Phil grimaced. If only Dan knew.

There was a simple explanation for his repulsion to the island sun and his permanently fair complexion: Phil was a vampire. All his life, he had been one. His family descended from a long line of purebloods, and although he had been entertained by the Edward Cullen depiction of vampirism, it did not come with all the perks one might think of. For instance, if Phil had the power of vampire hypnosis, this trip would have been cancelled right after receiving the invitation, but between him and Dan, Dan was usually the most persuasive.

" _Come on, Phil,"_ Dan had encouraged him back at Phil's bedroom. Phil already knew it was a losing battle as soon as Dan walked over to his chair. His boyfriend had that ecstatic glint flickering in his brown eyes that Phil lost the heart to deny. Dan's hands then rested on both arms of the chair and Phil tried not to give away his pre-determined defeat. " _You. Me. The beach. Isn't this the romantic stuff you like? It'll be great, I promise."_

Maybe it wasn't that Dan was persuasive, but Phil was hopeless against his wills.

Dan looked up at Phil as he lied down on the bed, too many seconds having passed without a response. Realizing this, Phil leaned over him to leave a kiss on his lips instead, and Dan blinked from surprise. In the next second, Dan smiled.

"So you're glad you came after all?"

Phil looked down at him, taking in the scent of his blood and sensing Dan's pulse. His lover met his eyes with a hopeful grin spread across pink lips, which contrasted with the rest of his warm tan skin. Dan was very much human. Sometimes Phil wished he could change that. He could, if he wanted, but he assumed Dan would probably not be thrilled. Besides, they hadn't even dated a full year yet.

"Are you happy?" Phil asked, dodging the question.

"Yeah." Dan propped himself up with his elbows and leaned forward to share another kiss. "Now let's go. We should probably start filming the intro."

The next day, after bathing in sunscreen for ten minutes, Phil trudged through the rest of the filming. For all his apprehension, he did end up having fun. Being pulled behind a water boat and grappling on top of a floating arena with Dan weren't the worst ways to spend an afternoon- vampire or not. But, because he was a vampire, the day ended with him feeling like death by the time he got back to the hotel room by himself.

Phil managed to stay calm when he made his exit, pulling a strained smile as he abandoned Dan to their tour guides. By the time he entered the bathroom he was panting. He twisted the knob for cold water with one jerk of his wrist and waited for the tub to fill. His skin was impossible to burn, but his blood was like fire that lashed at him from the inside out. His throat was dry and all he could think about was the pain and his thirst. Before the tub was even full, he threw off his clothes and dropped himself water was a dull relief, but a relief nonetheless. That didn't stop his fangs from protruding over his bottom lip.

He knew Jamaica was a bad idea.

"Just one night, Phil," he tried to reassure himself as he shut off the water. One night and the pain would most likely dissipate. One night and he'd feel well enough to find some source of blood. The dryness of his throat worsened, as if protesting the wait.

The loud slam as the heavy hotel-door shut carried to the bathroom.

"Phil?" Dan's voice echoed from the conjoining room. "Are you okay?"

"Not _now_ , Dan," Phil muttered to himself under his breath. A knock sounded at the door. "I'm fine!" His voice belied him, an octave too high at the word fine.

"Did you get sick? You looked horrible earlier." The doorknob twisted and Phil berated himself for not locking the door in his haste. The door swung open just as Phil grabbed the curtain and pulled it shut. "What the hell, Phil?"

"I… uh… got sun poisoning." It wasn't exactly a lie.

"Sun poisoning?" Dan reiterated, skeptical. Phil didn't sound convincing.

"Yeah, sun poisoning. It causes headaches and nausea and... stuff."

"Okay...? Do you need medicine?"

"It won't help, but thanks."

More seconds passed in silence and Phil hoped Dan would leave him alone. He could sense Dan's confusion as he tried to work out how to help him, but there was nothing to be done.

"Well, I'll be in the room then…" There was a pause, but the door finally clicked shut.

Phil sighed and relaxed back into the tub. It was going to be a long night.

o o o

An hour passed. Dan looked up from his laptop towards the bathroom door for what felt like the hundredth time. Editing the video could only withdraw his attention up to a point, and it was hard to forget Phil was in the bathtub feeling awful meters away. The tub was small enough that Dan doubted six-foot-two Phil was truly enjoying the cramped confinement of water. Although the internet did prescribe cold baths and showers as treatment, Dan thought a full hour of it was pushing it. Setting his laptop down on the bed, he walked over to the door again.

"Phil?" he called, trying to stifle his worry of being overly-concerned. It was quelled when there was no answer. "Hey, I'm coming in, okay?" He opened the door to no protest, though the curtain still draped around the bathtub. A sense of panic started to seize his limbs, stupefying Dan into stillness when he knew he had to check on his best friend. When he could move again, he still hesitated before pulling the curtain.

As he feared, Phil was unconscious; the black hair was matted to the sides of his face as Phil's head leaned on the back edge of the tub with his eyes closed.

"Phil!" He shook his shoulder, hoping to elicit any sort of was none. "Jesus Christ, Phil." Fear flashed on his face and Dan wondered if calling 999 would work in Jamaica. Just as he turned to run for his phone, the sound of rippling water made him freeze.

"Dan?" Phil rasped. His half-lidded eyes drifted in Dan's direction.

"Hold on. I'm going to call someone!"  
He was stopped by a cold wet hand on his wrist.

"Don't. Just…" The sentence was never finished, and Phil's eyes shut again. Dan bit back his sarcastic retort and leaned down on the ground. He snatched one of the towels nearby and offered it.

"I'm getting you to the bed, at least."

Phil let out a weak laugh, and Dan rolled his eyes. Phil grabbed onto the edge of the tub and pulled himself up, until finally he could stand up and grab the towel. Dan straightened up and held his arms to make sure he wouldn't fall back down.

They made it to the bed without much trouble, but as soon as they did, Phil collapsed on top of it in nothing but his boxers. It might have been comical if Phil wasn't literally dying.

"What should I do?" Dan asked, practically pleading with him for an answer. "Is there anything I _can_ do?"

Phil turned his head away from the mattress to stare at him. His blue eyes were flooded with apprehension and deliberation, shadowed by a darker emotion Dan couldn't decipher. It _seemed_ like hunger. Except, the adjective didn't fit with the context.

"Are you _sure_ you want to help?" Phil questioned, eyes still fixed on Dan.

"What even are you- _Yes_ , Phil, I want to help!" Dan threw his arms up in the air in exasperation. A small smile crept back up on Phil's lips. The look in his eyes only became more complex yet pained. Phil forced himself to sit up and grabbed onto one of Dan's hands while he looked away from him.

"I don't have sun-poisoning."  
Dan somewhat guessed that already, but he waited for Phil to elaborate.

"So, I'm a vampire."

Dan groaned and dragged his free hand across his face. "What you are is a twat. And you've been reading too much fanfiction, or Twilight. I don't know which is worse, to be honest."

"Dan." Phil gave a slight pout. "I'm being serious." He tugged on Dan forward to pull him closer to the bed, and Dan's eyes widened once Phil opened his mouth wide. Two fangs jutted out in place of the usual human-sized canines.

Dan had to recover his breath. "Those… aren't real, are they?" He felt tempted to poke at them to be sure, but Phil closed his mouth and tightened his hand around Dan's. Phil sent him a pleading look.

"I'm being completely serious. Only blood will help me right now."

On another day, Dan might have been able to pass this off as a really elaborate prank. He knew vampires didn't exist, no matter how the fangs protruded from Phil's mouth, no matter how eerily close Phil's home resembled one straight out of a horror movie, and no matter how he had never seen Phil a shade darker than how he first met him. He reminded himself that despite how ageless his boyfriend seemed, there were childhood photos of him, and Phil did eat food.

But Phil didn't seem like he was going to renounce his joke any time soon. Bright blue eyes stared into his own with a burning intensity, Phil's lips parted as he reeled Dan in closer, as if he could inhale the taste of him. Dan became very aware Phil was still in pain, and if he kept insisting blood was the only way to cure him…

Well, Dan made himself look stupid plenty of times in the past; there was no sense worrying about his pride now.

"Do it then."

Dan's expression was resolute and Phil absorbed the response with disbelief. For a moment Dan wondered if this was when the prank was going to be over, but Phil nodded and placed his other hand on the back of Dan's neck. Despite all his trepidation, Dan leaned down into his touch on instinct, until Phil's shallow breath caressed the exposed skin. There was a sharp pierce that was followed by a harsh sting, but Dan just closed his eyes. As weird as it all was, Phil didn't make him feel like he was in danger. He relaxed into Phil's hold in silence. When it was over, Phil pulled away and wiped at his mouth, and Dan could feel the twin holes in his neck seep blood as he brushed his fingers against the wetness.

"You weren't joking?" Dan stared at who he thought was the person he knew best on the planet. Either it was time for him to fully accept the guy he was dating for the past year was a vampire or he alternatively was dating a psychopath who he just allowed to take a rip at his neck. Maybe it was all the anime and games talking, but a vampire seemed the much better option. Phil was still recovering himself when Dan felt lightheaded from the blood loss, and although he was doing nothing but standing, he somehow managed to stumble. Phil caught him with a soft chuckle and lowered Dan onto the bed.

"Surprise," Phil tried in the most upbeat tone he could conduct.

"There's _no way_ you're a vampire," Dan reasoned allowed, sitting down next to him and shaking his head. "You age. And eat. And, oh my God, Phil. A _vampire_?" Phil placed a tentative hand on Dan's shoulder, which he accepted without protest. Phil sighed and smiled.

"Well, I was born a vampire. Vampires still age, but right now my aging is slowing down in comparison to normal people… And I still enjoy food. I just don't really need it?"

They shared a silence for a few minutes. Both of them were tense as the truth shifted the ground they metaphorically stood on, but Dan's allowed his hand to land over Phil's on top of the sheets. After another beat of silence, Dan looked back up at Phil with blatant incredulity.

"But you watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer!"

"Hey, don't bring Buffy into this," Phil defended. Dan let out a weak laugh, which elicited a smile from Phil. Dan dropped facedown onto the bed as he attempted to process existence for the upteenth time. He was dating a vampire. Phil, the nicest and nerdiest guy he ever encountered in his life, was somehow a "supernatural member of the undead". He had to be dreaming. The thoughts swirling in his head slowed as Phil ran his fingers through his unruly hobbit hair.

"Are we okay, Dan?" Phil asked, and Dan realized the questions in Phil's head that were parallel to his own. Phil was the nicest and nerdiest guy he ever met, vampire or not, and being a vampire didn't make him immune from insecurity or worry, regardless of how Phil normally braved against it. Dan could only assume the strange maturity that derived from such a childlike young man had nothing to do with Phil's vampirism, but just who he was as a person. Phil attempted to handle the situation calmly for the both of them and Dan loved him for it.

Dan turned his head to look back at Phil and gave him a small smile. He threaded his fingers through Phil's and guided him to lie down next to him.

"I'm a little dizzy, yeah, but we're okay."

Phil lit up at the confirmation and Dan rolled over on top of him so that his chin rested on top of Phil's chest. Phil's hand returned to his hair, while Dan just smiled back at who he realized would always be his best friend and the love of his life- no matter what other weird fiascoes Phil threw his way. He personally hoped this was the most severe of them.

"I love you," Phil said with warm affection radiating from his eyes. Dan opened his mouth to return the words, when another thought detoured him entirely. A grin tugged at the corner of his lips as a different phrase escaped him.

"Would you say I'm your own personal brand of heroin?" Dan challenged with a cheeky wink. The warmth dissipated from Phil all at once.

"Stop it, Daniel."

Dan laughed as one of the pillows came crashing against the top of his head, and the two were set at ease with the faith that everything would be okay.

* * *

That Christmas, Phil gave Dan an Edward Cullen mask, as retaliation for all the Twilight jokes that inevitably followed.


End file.
